I will always remember one moment as one of my children approached GCSEs. My child screamed through tears, “I am going to fail all of them.” This was not the first time. Previously, I had said things like, “You can only do your best.”, which hadn’t improved the situation. This time, I had a better, Christian answer.
“And that would be alright.”
I had their attention. This was new. The tears stopped in wonder. How could failing every subject be alright?
“Even if you failed every single subject, nothing of significance would change. We would not love you any less. God would not value you any less. Nothing else really matters. That is what we believe. That is the truth.”
Children in the UK are amongst the most examined in the world: SATs, GCSEs, A-Levels, Scottish Highers, and perhaps 11+ or other entrance exams too. Tests and exams become the milestones and rites of passage in our families.
It might be that some of us need to pause and consider the place education occupies in our hearts. Do you believe that your child’s educational achievements will be key in determining how their life will progress? Do you sacrifice other opportunities or commitments to ensure that their education is optimized? Do you feel ashamed (or feel panic) if they experience a season of educational failure? If so, let me gently suggest that educational grades have become your god. You are not alone. In many cultures in the UK, this is the air we breathe. It would take deep convictions and courage to worship at a different altar.
We hold that God determines the progress of our children’s lives. We sacrifice other opportunities and commitments to ensure that our children see Jesus Christ as Lord. But before we construct a checklist of our family’s behaviours, it is vital that our children (and we) understand that Christianity is primarily about identity rather than beliefs, morality or habits.
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. (1 John 3:1)
To be trusting in Jesus is to be a child of God. As we look at our child, we know the lengths we will go to keep them safe, how often we tell them of our love for them and in those moments of fear we hold them tight telling them that we will do all we can to not let any harm come to them. How would you feel if your child thought your love and care was dependent on their school grades? If your child is also a child of God, then that is who they are. It is who they will be. It is a firm foundation for their lives. That is what a firm sense of identity does. God’s love for them (and for us) is even deeper and more reliable than our love for our children.
Shortly after my memorable moment with my child, I was sat with my uncle. I told him all about it. He said to me with gentle sadness, “I could never have said that to my children.” He could not say that it would be alright if they had failed all their exams. He didn’t believe that. He is not a Christian. He knows his identity is different to mine. I am a child of God. And that is what I am! I want that for my children.
Ed Drew is the author of “Raising Confident Kids in a Confusing World” and the Director of Faith in Kids.
A longer version of this article appeared in the March 2025 issue of Evangelicals Now.
