I recently stayed with a Christian family. One child is still living at home, their other two are living independently. Their family’s story includes sibling anger, late diagnosis neurodiversity, multiple school moves and a particularly painful season with one of their teenagers. It also includes amazing family memories, others in need who have been brought into their home, their enduring trust in Christ and supportive churches. These are experienced and godly parents!
A unique role
I was struck again by the unique role of parents. No one else could have walked these roads with their children so consistently. Their church played a great part, as did local Christian friends and geographically distant family members but the parents had a unique role. They are the world experts on their own children, just as every parent is the world expert on theirs. No one else can identify so accurately the cause of today’s anger and tomorrow’s tears. We feel deep love for our child, we sense the journey we are on together and we hear the Bible’s instructions that only a parent can fulfil (e.g. Ephesians 6:4)
Sobering statistics
Our church might have 50 hours a year to invest in my child, perhaps double that if there is a vibrant midweek program. But as a parent, I have thousands of hours a year. When my child has a crisis or a deep question, it generally blows into my kitchen not into their Sunday School class. It happens while they are living with me. When 11-18 year old Christians were asked what the key factors were in them coming to faith, their top answer (41%) was growing up in a Christian home – this was more significant than their youth group, their friends and even the Bible.
And yet just 50% of children growing up in Christian homes keep their faith into adulthood. The most striking data for me is that, around the world, churchgoing teenagers do not expect to drop out of church when they leave home. They are often as surprised as their parents by their decision to stop. Are we are raising our children to routinely attend church, or to be disciples of Jesus Christ? It is only when they leave their home church where they belong and feel loved, that they have to walk into a church where no one knows their name. Will they return next week? If they are only long term church-attenders, maybe not. If they are disciples of Jesus, probably yes.
Church-parent partnership
Parents, have we grasped that we have a unique role, for which we need to be equipped?
Church leaders, have we grasped that the parents in our churches need to be trained for their vital task? Many parents don’t know how to pray with their children, how to read the Bible with them, how to have faith conversations with them or how to talk about the prickliest issues with them.
As a gift from God, our churches can serve exactly this purpose. We can train the parent while partnering with them to disciple their child. As with all discipleship it is going to involve sharing life, not just a routine or habit. Of those young adults from Christian homes who drop out, 88% say that no other adult from church invested in them during their secondary school years. We can all do something to change that.
Ed Drew is the author of “Raising Confident Kids in a Confusing World” and the Director of Faith in Kids.
A longer version of this article appeared in the November 2024 issue of Evangelicals Now.
